image credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/margolove/1810357551/

Yup that’s right. I’ll shut up after I finish writing this (I tend to mumble when i write). Probably, every student on KIS blogs have at least one post about stressful academic life. I promised myself this international blog shall not be my private journal (Ms. Patterson warned us), especially something about my stupid dumb-low grades, but after 5 new updates on Edline, our school’s grade updater for students and parents, I want to burst out into tears on a peaceful Friday night.

It’s been at least 2 months since most teachers updated our grades. And how surprising….

My heart is pumping- my brain is shaking. Why am i freaking out about college, right now, this moment- when I have 2 more years.. Not to be a sick show off.. Although my english may not be perfect, I used to be a perfect A student at Santa Catalina School, a private-at least in the top 50s in the US. But what the HACK is happening with only 3 weeks left of sophomore school year. I have an ugly…. GPA.

A sickly lowering B in math, dangling A-^s, and barely living A^s. It’s not my parents, It’s me. I want my painful high school years to be worth something. Please lord teachers………. HELP ME

image credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/10864405@N05/2089403584/

I decided to write something mature and outside the ordinary box. With an artistic title, “Contemporary Collaboration” I had nothing in mind to write about. I thought, “maybe photographs will be able to enable my stiff brain to expand and flex and give me something about this CC.” There were some photos related to this title on Flickr.

The pictures were mostly related to the actual type of art- contemporary arts. Then there was this photograph. Title: collaboration- follow your art+death to contemporary arts. I didn’t understand the second part of this title: “to contemporary arts” but my brain started to move side to side up and down.

There are so many myths about the dead existing here on earth with us. But what I want to focus is not about ghosts. It is about life and death- the beginning and end of our life. It is really scary to admit the fact that one day, without any hints, our days, rather it’s happy or not, will be over. Wouldn’t it be great to be alive and dead at the same time, if we had the choice to not die if we had the choice? I guess I am going back to the idea of ghosts. I’d rather exist as a ghost if I am promised an eternal life. Why am I so afraid of death..? I don’t know. I’m always afraid of change.. Or more or less- endings sometimes terrify me.

Image Credit: http://scareyshop.com/catalog/images/Sore-Throat.jpg

I feel sick to my stomach. I now understand and feel sympathy for those who are unable to talk. I guess the hard rocked on weekend is getting me. This weekend was crazy. After a full 12 hours of partying to celebrate Yoohee’s birthday, I traveled for over 1.5 hours just on subway to watch the 4 hour loud hot standing PGC concert. With barely sleeping 5 hours for 2 days, I felt like somebody kicked and punched me. A better description for those who don’t know the pain of being physically heart, like me, would be comparing it to the stiff headache after traveling in a plane for 12 hours straight from California to Korea. I passionately dislike riding planes, but took an imaginary trip with NO intention this weekend. After 2 days of partying like WILD animals I have the worst sore throat. It feels like swallowing melted foil paper whenever swallowing saliva. There is no sound coming out of my throat. Even after sleeping for 12 hours everyday it feels like I slept for 12 seconds, or suffered from waking up every two minutes even without the need of going to the bathroom.

My body is definitely too week to defend those evil bacteria in the awful air in this humid world. Today, I got a healthy ant-bacteria shot on my butt. I haven’t had a butt shot in over 6 years, it was extremely embarrassing. But the embarrassing butt shot isn’t so effective. “Like colds, the vast majority of sore throats are caused by viral infections. This means most sore throats will NOT respond to antibiotics. Many people have a mild sore throat at the beginning of every cold. When the nose or sinuses become infected, drainage can run down the back of the throat and irritate it, especially at night. Or, the throat itself can be infected.” (Medical Encyclopedia)

Pass my bacteria to hell and let it burn…. Gosh it’s so incredibly painful.